Mr. Munchausen 

  XIII

  WRIGGLETTO

  It was in the afternoon of a beautiful summer day, and Mr. Munchausenhad come up from the simmering city of Cimmeria to spend a day or twowith Diavolo and Angelica and their venerable parents. They had allhad dinner, and were now out on the back piazza overlooking themagnificent river Styx, which flowed from the mountains to the sea,condescending on its way thither to look in upon countlessinsignificant towns which had grown up on its banks, among which wasthe one in which Diavolo and Angelica had been born and lived alltheir lives. Mr. Munchausen was lying comfortably in a hammock,collecting his thoughts.

  Angelica was somewhat depressed, but Diavolo was jubilant and allbecause in the course of a walk they had had that morning Diavolo hadkilled a snake.

  "It was fine sport," said Diavolo. "He was lying there in the sun, andI took a stick and put him out of his misery in two minutes."

  Here Diavolo illustrated the process by whacking the Baron over hiswaist-coat with a small malacca stick he carried.

  "Well, I didn't like it," said Angelica. "I don't care for snakes, butsomehow or other it seems to me we'd ought to have left him alone. Hewasn't hurting anybody off there. If he'd come walking on our place,that would have been one thing, but we went walking where he was, andhe had as much right to take a sun-bath there as we had."

  "That's true enough," put in Mr. Munchausen, resolved after Diavolo'swhack, to side against him. "You've just about hit it, Angelica. Itwasn't polite of you in the first place, to disturb his snakeship inhis nap, and having done so, I can't see why Diavolo wanted to killhim."

  "Oh, pshaw!" said Diavolo, airily. "What's snakes good for except tokill? I'll kill 'em every chance I get. They aren't any good."

  "All right," said Mr. Munchausen, quietly. "I suppose you know allabout it; but I know a thing or two about snakes myself that do notexactly agree with what you say. They are some good sometimes, and, asa matter of fact, as a general rule, they are less apt to attack youwithout reason than you are to attack them. A snake is rather inclinedto mind its own business unless he finds it necessary to do otherwise.Occasionally too you'll find a snake with a truly amiable character.I'll never forget my old pet Wriggletto, for instance, and as long asI remember him I can't help having a warm corner for snakes in myheart."

  Here Mr. Munchausen paused and puffed thoughtfully on his cigar as afar-away half-affectionate look came into his eye.

  "Who was Wriggletto?" asked Diavolo, transferring a half dollar fromMr. Munchausen's pocket to his own.

  "Who was he?" cried Mr. Munchausen. "You don't mean to say that I havenever told you about Wriggletto, my pet boa-constrictor, do you?"

  "You never told me," said Angelica. "But I'm not everybody. Maybeyou've told some other little Imps."

  "No, indeed!" said Mr. Munchausen. "You two are the only little Imps Itell stories to, and as far as I am concerned, while I admit you arenot everybody you are somebody and that's more than everybody is.Wriggletto was a boa-constrictor I once knew in South America, and hewas without exception, the most remarkable bit of a serpent I evermet. Genial, kind, intelligent, grateful and useful, and, after I'dhad him a year or two, wonderfully well educated. He could write withhimself as well as you or I can with a pen. There's a recommendationfor you. Few men are all that--and few boa-constrictors either, as faras that goes. I admit Wriggletto was an exception to the general runof serpents, but he was all that I claim for him, nevertheless."

  "What kind of a snake did you say he was?" asked Diavolo.

  "A boa-constrictor," said Mr. Munchausen, "and I knew him from hischildhood. I first encountered Wriggletto about ten miles out of Paraon the river Amazon. He was being swallowed by a largerboa-constrictor, and I saved his life by catching hold of his tail andpulling him out just as the other was getting ready to give the lastgulp which would have taken Wriggletto in completely, and placed himbeyond all hope of ever being saved."

  "What was the other boa doing while you were saving Wriggletto?" askedDiavolo, who was fond always of hearing both sides to every question,and whose father, therefore, hoped he might some day grow up to be agreat judge, or at least serve with distinction upon a jury.

  "He couldn't do anything," returned Mr. Munchausen. "He was powerlessas long as Wriggletto's head stuck in his throat and just before I gotthe smaller snake extracted I killed the other one by cutting off histail behind his ears. It was not a very dangerous rescue on my part aslong as Wriggletto was likely to be grateful. I must confess for aminute I was afraid he might not comprehend all I had done for him,and it was just possible he might attack me, but the hug he gave mewhen he found himself free once more was reassuring. He wound himselfgracefully around my body, squeezed me gently and then slid off intothe road again, as much as to say 'Thank you, sir. You're a brick.'After that there was nothing Wriggletto would not do for me. Hefollowed me everywhere I went from that time on. He seemed to learnall in an instant that there were hundreds of little things to be doneabout the house of an old bachelor like myself which a willing serpentcould do, and he made it his business to do those things: like pickingup my collars from the floor, and finding my studs for me when theyrolled under the bureau, and a thousand and one other little servicesof a like nature, and when you, Master Diavolo, try in future to saythat snakes are only good to kill and are of no use to any one, youmust at least make an exception in favour of Wriggletto."

  "I will," said Diavolo, "But you haven't told us of the other usefulthings he did for you yet."

  "I was about to do so," said Mr. Munchausen. "In the first place,before he learned how to do little things about the house for me,Wriggletto acted as a watch-dog and you may be sure that nobody everventured to prowl around my house at night while Wriggletto slept outon the lawn. Para was quite full of conscienceless fellows, too, atthat time, any one of whom would have been glad to have a chance torelieve me of my belongings if they could get by my watch-snake. Twoof them tried it one dark stormy night, and Wriggletto when hediscovered them climbing in at my window, crawled up behind them andwinding his tail about them crept down to the banks of the Amazon,dragging them after him. There he tossed them into the river, and cameback to his post once more."

  "Did you see him do it, Uncle Munch?" asked Angelica.

  "No, I did not. I learned of it afterwards. Wriggletto himself saidnever a word. He was too modest for that," said Mr. Munchausen. "Oneof the robbers wrote a letter to the Para newspapers about it,complaining that any one should be allowed to keep a reptile like thataround, and suggested that anyhow people using snakes in place of dogsshould be compelled to license them, and put up a sign at their gates:

  BEWARE OF THE SNAKE!

  "The man never acknowledged, of course, that he was the robber,--saidthat he was calling on business when the thing happened,--but hedidn't say what his business was, but I knew better, and later on theother robber and he fell out, and they confessed that the businessthey had come on was to take away a few thousand gold coins of therealm which I was known to have in the house locked in a steel chest.

  "I bought Wriggletto a handsome silver collar after that, and it wasgenerally understood that he was the guardian of my place, and robbersbothered me no more. Then he was finer than a cat for rats. On veryhot days he would go off into the cellar, where it was cool, and liethere with his mouth wide open and his eyes shut, and catch rats bythe dozens. They'd run around in the dark, and the first thing they'dknow they'd stumble into Wriggletto's mouth; and he swallowed them andlicked his chops afterwards, just as you or I do when we've swalloweda fine luscious oyster or a clam.

  "But pleasantest of all the things Wriggletto did for me--and he wasuntiring in his attentions in that way--was keeping me cool on hotsummer nights. Para as you may have heard is a pretty hot place atbest, lying in a tropical region as it does, but sometimes it is awfulfor a man used to the Northern climate, as I was. The act of fanningone's self, so far from cooling one off, makes one hotter than ever.Maybe you remembe
r how it was with the elephant in the poem:

  "'Oh my, oh dear!' the elephant said, 'It is so awful hot! I've fanned myself for seventy weeks, And haven't cooled a jot.'

  "And that was the way it was with me in Para on hot nights. I'd fanand fan and fan, but I couldn't get cool until Wriggletto became amember of my family, and then I was all right. He used to wind histail about a huge palm-leaf fan I had cut in the forest, so large thatI couldn't possibly handle it myself, and he'd wave it to and fro bythe hour, with the result that my house was always the breeziest placein Para."

  "Where is Wriggletto now?" asked Diavolo.

  "Heigho!" sighed Mr. Munchausen. "He died, poor fellow, and allbecause of that silver collar I gave him. He tried to swallow a jibolathat entered my house one night on wickedness intent, and whileWriggletto's throat was large enough when he stretched it to take downthree jibolas, with a collar on which wouldn't stretch he couldn'tswallow one. He didn't know that, unfortunately, and he kept on tryinguntil the jibola got a quarter way down and then he stuck. Eachswallow, of course, made the collar fit more tightly and finally poorWriggletto choked himself to death. I felt so badly about it that Ileft Para within a month, but meanwhile I had a suit of clothes madeout of Wriggletto's skin, and wore it for years, and then, when theclothes began to look worn, I had the skin re-tanned and made overinto shoes and slippers. So you see that even after death he wasuseful to me. He was a faithful snake, and that is why when I hearpeople running down all snakes I tell the story of Wriggletto."

  "He used to wind his tail about a fan and he'd wave itto and fro by the hour." _Chapter XIII._]

  There was a pause for a few moments, when Diavolo said, "Uncle Munch,is that a true story you've been giving us?"

  "True?" cried Mr. Munchausen. "True? Why, my dear boy, what aquestion! If you don't believe it, bring me your atlas, and I'll showyou just where Para is."

  Diavolo did as he was told, and sure enough, Mr. Munchausen didexactly as he said he would, which Diavolo thought was veryremarkable, but he still was not satisfied.

  "You said he could write as well with himself as you or I could with apen, Uncle Munch," he said. "How was that?"

  "Why that was simple enough," explained Mr. Munchausen. "You see hewas very black, and thirty-nine feet long and remarkably supple andslender. After a year of hard study he learned to bunch himself intoletters, and if he wanted to say anything to me he'd simply formhimself into a written sentence. Indeed his favourite attitude when inrepose showed his wonderful gift in chirography as well as hisaffection for me. If you will get me a card I will prove it."

  Diavolo brought Mr. Munchausen the card and upon it he drew thefollowing:

  A snake in the form of 'UncleMunch']

  "There," said Mr. Munchausen. "That's the way Wriggletto always usedto lie when he was at rest. His love for me was very affecting."